Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
