I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
