Your mouth is God's brothel.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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