Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
