EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
