You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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