HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
