Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Are my feet made of real feet?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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