Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Girls should come with a carfax report
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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