FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
