I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
