Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
