Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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