woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
