wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
