Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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