I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
