I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
