he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
