Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
