mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
