I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
