As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
