Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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