there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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