what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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