I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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