You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
