When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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