At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
