She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
