It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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