Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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