I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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