I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
