I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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