I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
