Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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