Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
