You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
