You made me cry and you don't even care
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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