you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
