also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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