just come out here and I will go home with you...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
