Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
