I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
