I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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