her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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