she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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