Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
