Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
