if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
