you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
