I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to be your penis for a week.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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