Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
