Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
