Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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